Fighting or fucking?

Which would you rather see? Because I’m not sure I can cope with viewing either all that gracefully.

P.D.A. is incredibly common place and people often seem unaware that most of their friends will resent them for it.
P.D.A. stands for two separate things in my mind.
Public Displays of Affection, and Public Displays of Aggression.
They both fill me with complete dread.

Friends that happily kiss, slurp and paw all over each other in public.
Friends that will happily get into a full blown argument in public.

Oh joy.

 

Which is worse?

Which is worse?! I don’t know! Brain,… melting…. 

How did it start? Where will it stop? Will a few awkward digs escalate into a full blown screaming match? Will a couple of kisses lead into a 20 minute saliva swapping disaster? There have been times where I’ve become increasingly concerned thinking I may legitimately be about to view the conception of my friend’s first child. When did this type of behaviour become acceptable? Did I miss the group email?

So what’s a girl to do? Nothing. Not a goddamned thing. What can you possibly do? The most common attitude a person takes when stuck in the middle of a clusterfuck like either of these, is to stare at their feet awkwardly saying nothing, wishing it all to go away. Suddenly that patch of wallpaper is so unbelievably interesting you can’t tear your eyes away from it.

I’ve seen a few brave souls try to intervene and put a stop to the madness, but as you can probably predict? That has ended in tears every single time. I learned the hard way a long long time ago, if two people want to argue/copulate in public, you need to just step aside and let them get it out of their system. Leave that well alone or you could well end up….

 

You will end up in a traditional Disney whirlpool cloud fight every single time.

You will end up in a stereotypical Disney whirlpool cloud fight every single time.

Ultimately I love my friends to the ends of the Earth and back. If they choose to scream and shout like banshees, or touch each other inappropriately then I’m happy to just let them get on with it. It makes me intensely uncomfortable because I was brought up in a more typically British and reserved manner. But you’ll never catch me mentioning my discomfort over nookie, or rude arguing, I’ll just shuffle off to a place I feel more at home. An active volcano or bottom of a lake, I’m not fussy.
Getting involved to try and calm it down isn’t your place and you most likely won’t be thanked for it. I certainly wasn’t.

Plus I’m really praying the day will come where there’s the glorious cross over of angry sex. Right there in the pub.

All my love and rage, Mandy xx.

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