Fighting or fucking?

Which would you rather see? Because I’m not sure I can cope with viewing either all that gracefully. P.D.A. is incredibly common place and people often seem unaware that most of their friends will resent them for it. P.D.A. stands for two separate things in my mind. Public Displays of Affection, and Public Displays of…

Nerd apartheid

Star Wars or Star Trek? My loving family never warned me of this cultural divide (bloody hippies brought me up religiously watching both on a Sunday, instead of church) but it has become a massive part of my so called nerd life. You must choose! There’s no sitting on the fence to be had!! The…

I’m not homophobic but…

Those vaguely offensive statements that are deeply bigoted the more carefully you look at them. When you point this out however, ‘you’re being too sensitive’ and ‘need to calm down… I’m not a homophobe or anything’ I don’t understand why you date girls, you’re pretty enough to get a guy. I’m not homophobic, I just…

You’re a waste of carbon!

People who won’t quit. Won’t leave it alone until you agree with them. Can’t fathom that it’s incredibly rude to carry on and on, badgering a person into submission. ‘But why did you think it was rubbish? What was so bad about that film?’ ‘Well it just wasn’t my cup of tea really. Didn’t really…

Be still my beating heart

*Walking home, minding my own business* Random stranger: You look friendly, can I have a hug? I haven’t got the clap honest. *I glare/frown directly at him and continue past him without stopping* Random stranger: Don’t look at me like that, women love me, I’ve got a KIND HEART! I wonder how many women actually…

I’d prefer my own

Standing in dog faeces. Shit. Poop. Doody. Crap. We’ve all done it. Regretted not looking carefully enough. Cursed at dog owners for not bothering to clear it up properly. Because of their laziness, you’ve stank of poo and maybe even taken a long time to notice,… that is until people start whinging about everything smelling…

Those funny God botherers

Personally, I’m a big fan of the flying spaghetti monster. But I’m too polite to mention this to the nutters in the street selling their faith with all the grace and dignity of a double glazing salesman. I don’t really get it. But fair enough, most people are nice enough when you say you’re not…